Christ

As with all things that have to potential to be good there is usually an equal potential for those things, if done improperly, to be really, really bad. Families are one of those things.

One thing that people might not realize about Mormon’s is just how separate families are from the actual church. There is the Church and the teachings of the Church but within many families, because of the Churches belief in the sanctity of family, there are sometimes wrong teachings and beliefs that stem from a parent that has wrong motivations and intentions. The result of this is very, very bad.

The actual teachings of the Church have a foundation in Jesus Christ and never deviate from his teachings. My parents talked of Jesus Christ all of the time; they prayed in his name and read scriptures that referred to him but I never saw him truly taught in practice in my home.

My home life was very much a law of Moses “eye for and eye” environment. Even the smallest mistakes resulted in the “consequence” of a spanking. There was no compassion and absolutely no love; only justice and punishment.

I remember my mother talking to me about repentance. The bible dictionary explains repentance as a change of heart and a constant desire to try to do the right thing. But my mother told me that in your prayers at night, if you didn’t remember every single bad thing that you did during the day that you were in danger of that thing still being written on…I don’t know…the book I guess.

This is completely false, and it absolutely does not line up with what the Church believes but it is what I was taught nonetheless. This small false teaching has ruined my life. I realized early on that I could never be perfect and I could never remember all of the bad things that I had done during the day so I might as well not try at all. And it didn’t help that I got such harsh punishments for small mistakes like not cleaning my room good enough; if my parent figures were that harsh then I guess God was just as harsh. I didn't really want to obey a God that was as harsh as my parents.

I can’t explain the joy that I felt when I realized that those teachings were not true. That Christ has paid the price for me and that all was needed was a broken heart and a DESIRE to do right. And if you could live your life with this broken heart and desire to do good that you then have a change of heart and good things come out of it naturally. Such freedom, such joy.